REAL TALK

Hiiii! Remember me? 

I've not blogged for almost four months. FOUR MONTHS. That's like, 120 days. It actually makes me feel a bit sad and a bit mad but the only person I can blame for the lack of posts is myself.  I think when you don't blog for a long time, it's harder for you to get back into it.  Even now writing this post, I've written and deleted about 20 sentences - it's almost like I've forgotten how to string a sentence together! What's even harder is when you stop reading blogs too which obvs I have done because I go from one extreme to the other - there's no in between with me! I feel completely out of touch with the whole blogging world. I've even stopped tweeting which is odd for me as I think twitter is my fav social media site ever - actually maybe second after instagram. 

I didn't think it was right for me to delve straight in with a normal post like I haven't even been away because that'd just be weird wouldn't it? Not just for all of you but for me too. I feel like I needed to write a bit of an explanation post although I'm not sure this is an explanation post it's kind of just me writing my feelings down and hoping you understand (please say you do).  

I started writing this little blog when I couldn't cope with my anxiety. I wrote it so I had something that was mine to focus on. I've always loved writing and I've loved makeup for as long as I can remember so it just made sense! I remember how excited I would get when I'd stay up late writing a post and refreshing the page constantly on my phone to see if it had got any comments.  I remember reaching 10 followers and feeling like the most popular blogger in the world. I remember the first time a company sent me a product to review and feeling so proud that they cared about my opinion. I miss that. 

I'm not going to lie, I have thought that maybe I should just give up on Glitter and Carousels now. I would question whether this blog is really any good and whether people enjoyed reading it. I'm one of those people that compares themselves to everything and everyone. I'm never content with being me but I'm working on it because the only thing I really want out of life is to be happy.  I mainly have these thoughts while listening to James Bay's sad songs so maybe I should just quit him instead.  

When I really think about it - I don't want to give up on this blog! I know I don't have a massive following but 900+ bloglovin' followers is craaaazy for an inconsistent blogger like me! Although I don't want to give up on this blog, I want to take it into a new direction. I want to do more talk-y posts like this one. I want to talk about real life experiences. I want to talk about stuff that other people don't. I basically just want every post to be 100% me. I don't want to feel like I'm writing about things because they'll get a lot of views or because every other person in the world is writing about them too. I also need to be more consistent and sort out designated days of when to post and write posts in advance. 

The worst thing for me is that in January I told myself this year would be the year I'd really make my blog work and put in allllll my effort but it hasn't worked out like that and it's made me feel like a bit of a failure. Still, if at first you don't succeed, try try again...right?!

If you've read this whole post then THANK YOU! If you've followed my blog while I've not been posting then THANK YOU! and lastly, if you've stuck with me this wholeeeee time then a massive THANK YOU. You have no idea how much it means.