I don't really know why I'm writing this post but I want to actually talk about real life things on my blog instead of just makeup reviews and list posts. I always see people blogging about their travelling tips, that time they swam with a shark or how they got to interview Brad Pitt twice (I might be exaggerating here but I know you get my drift) and I just feel like I'm not interesting enough to write about things that have happened to me. I'm just a gal who loves the internet, who's not necessarily fussed about going on fancy holidays or interviewing celebs (unless Harry Styles, if you're reading, pls let me interview you xx) but I do have real life things I can talk about so I'm going to talk about alllll of them instead.
So, you know when you meet someone new and you start talking about your family and you never mention your Dad and then eventually they're like so what's happened to your Dad and you have to tell them you've never met him and they feel really awkward and you spend the next twenty minutes trying to convince them it's absolutely fine? Nah? Ok.
I'm so sick of people feeling like they have to apologise because it's really not sad that I haven't met him. I was a one night stand baby, conceived in a car apparently (stay classy, Mum! - jokes, I know you read this) and my Dad didn't really want anything to do with me. I saw him once along with his parents when I was really young but I can't remember any of that because I was about two. My Mum was 2o when she had me and my Dad was maybe, a couple of years older so they were both young and I know that's not an excuse but sometimes these things just happen.
I remember texting him briefly when I was about 12 just because there was something inside me that thought maybe I should get to know him. We text for about two months and he told me how he had a girlfriend and children that had no idea about me but apart from that we just chatted normally. I actually felt very weird about it all, like I was texting a strange old man. I had absolutely no intention of meeting him nor did I even want to know what he looked like so I just didn't bother sending him my new number when I got a new phone and I've not heard off him again since.
The way I see it is that he has a whole family that are probably really happy - why would I want to be the one to ruin that?! If I'd known him, I probably wouldn't have spent as much time with my grandad, uncle and aunty when I was younger and wouldn't have the bond I have with them now. I wouldn't have my brothers and sisters if him and my Mum had stayed together and I wouldn't swap them for the whole world. I might message him now though and ask for all the missed birthday and christmas presents I should have got - JOKES! I don't need him in my life to make myself happy.
I'm really happy with my life the way it is and I like being me.
Just to clarify one point, your father was not a 'one-night stand' he was a really good friend that I had known well for about 5 years. We just were never meant to be together and nor did either of us want that. I am also super glad (rightly or wrongly) that I have got to love you all to myself! I never stopped him seeing you but I didn't ever encourage it either. Maybe things may have been different if he had been in your life, but I hoped I loved you and still do, enough for both a mother and a father.
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